3 days and counting

Last night we all went out to a local place known for having really good masala dosas. We'd gone there once before when Swathi's and my stay in India was nearly halfway over and this time, we tried to savor everything as we knew it would be our last time coming here, especially for me. The masala dosas here are the best I've had since the outside is crispy and buttery, and both the batter and filling have a mild flavor to them. Other dosas I've had would have a lot of cilantro in the potato filling and the batter for the outside of the dosa would have a slightly sour taste to it so I wasn't crazy about them or anything until I tasted other versions of them.

The first time I ate at the local dosa place, I was still struggling to tear chapatis, dosas, naan and the like using only one hand so I just used both hands to eat. This time around, it was sort of a bittersweet milestone that I was able to eat the dosa using only my right mehendi-covered hand. I was proud of myself for the progress I made, yet also a bit sad that this was the last time I might ever get to eat dosas there and it was as if I could feel the end coming near. The pictures I took of my dosa don't quite capture the crispy, buttery outside and tasty filling, but at least you guys will have a better idea of what a dosa is. I'd describe it as an Indian crepe:





I feel like today I also hit another milestone when I got dressed up in my best and favorite new salwar-kameez with a bindi to match to visit Swathi's grandparents, whom we last visited a couple weeks after we first arrived to India. When we last visited them, I didn't have any Indian clothing so I just wore some plain brown pants and what I considered to be my 'best' shirt out of what I brought while Swathi wore a nice churidar. In this visit I was so flattered when Swathi's grandmother said that I looked more beautiful in my traditional Indian outfit than when I had last visited them! I felt like at least on the outside someone could notice a change in me.

This morning I used my Indian cellphone to talk to my parents since the departure date is right around the corner and while it was good that they brought it to my attention that I'd probably need to make a declaration to customs upon my returning to the US, it also made me feel weird. I decided a while back that I want to wear a churidar when I fly back, so for one thing, I felt awkward as I pictured myself in Indian garb at the American customs counter trying to clear up my purchases with an intimidating officer who was oblivious to the amazing summer I just had and would just think that I've complicated things for him with all the purchases I made. While Bangalore has been like home to me for the last 2 months, perhaps it had finally hit me that despite that and whatever in me that had changed, I was still American and I would be returning to the country where I held my citizenship. A part of me is nervous that by leaving India, I'll lose whatever Indian-ness I've gained; as if it will shed itself bit by bit as I get closer to the US and finally disappear when I have to step through customs. I feel caught between two places- India feels like home for me right now but obviously, 2 months here doesn't make me completely Indian and I wouldn't identify as Indian, yet the US doesn't feel like home for me either. I imagine that after all that has happened, I'll have to somehow 'put on' all my old American-ness like an old jacket that might not fit me the same way- not that I completely shed my nationality while I was here, but the US definitely doesn't have the same meaning for me somehow.