Swathi and I have been counting down the days and it’s been a bit scary now that the number of our days left here has reached single-digit status. I’ll admit that with the departure date approaching closer and closer, I’ve been allowing myself to think more about all the things I want to do when I get back and I’m a bit excited but for the most part, I’m still apprehensive about coming back. I’ve become accustomed to being here so not only will I miss India when I’m back in the US, but being back might take some getting used to.
Perhaps it was strange of me to have dreamt of one day suffering from the second-hand culture shock one experiences when he/she comes back to his/her native country after having spent a long period of time overseas, but when I’d read articles written by people who went through it, I wished it was me. I wanted to be someone who had spent so much time in another country and been so acclimated to the culture and environment that when it became home and when I’d come back, home might not exactly be home. Now that it might actually happen, it’s cool that it would mean that I was immersed deeply enough in another culture, yet at the same time, it might not be as fun and as glamorous as I cracked it up to be in my daydreams. I imagine it might be like how you might think missing 2 weeks of school from being sick sounds like fun, but when it does happen, it’s actually not as fun as you thought it would be. Over the weekend my hosts and I spent a lot of time on the road and being able to spend so much time taking in the everyday Indian sights from my window just made me think about how I would miss it all. When I think about all the things I loved here, I get frustrated that I won’t get to enjoy them when I get back, like Indianized Chinese food, Bollywood’s omnipresence, the old, dirty, city streets and how I haven’t seen the same sari or salwar-kameez out in public.
Aside from the second-hand culture shock though, I also always wanted to able to stay in a country long enough for the culture to ingrain itself in me and my identity and I’m pretty sure I’ve achieved that. I really hoped this trip would test me, challenge me and change me for the better somehow and although I can’t really say if I’ve become a completely different person until I actually come back, I know my tastes have changed a bit. I hope I can get some paneer butter masala and roti, some gobi manchuri and chapattis or some chicken biriyani somewhere instead of my usual Thai or Chinese take out or be able to find some Indian magazines at an Indian grocery store so I won’t be completely cut off from what’s going on in Bollywood. Hopefully I’ll come back a more patient, mature cultured and aware person, though.
Ugh, Swathi just mentioned that a week from now, we’ll be at the airport! I can’t believe everything is finally coming to an end. Now some of our visits to Swathi’s relatives have been our last so we’ve been saying our final good-byes. As I’ve found more and more of the things I’ve been looking for, my shopping list has shortened considerably. Sometimes I wonder if subconsciously, I’ve been adding to my to-do list as an attempt for things to somehow never end. I finished the case studies for my volunteer work so a lot of my days have been about hanging out and killing time. In a feeble attempt to avoid paying an overweight penalty for my baggage, I’ve tried to be more generous in using my lotions, shampoo and the like so I can throw some things away when I leave or at least leave some space and weight for all the things I’ve bought. Halfway through the trip I thought to myself that I wouldn’t need to look for another suitcase and do a mock pack-up to make sure that everything would fit for a while but now the time has come to do just that! My room is now strewn with waffle makers, saris, bangles, bags, other souvenirs and magazines to the point that I’ve had to make piles in the middle of the room because the space between my bed and the wall could no longer hold my shopping stash which just sort of reflects all the history of what’s already happened and signals the inevitable end to my trip.
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